Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Cheater Phenomenon

You can stop groaning and sighing because this post isn’t inspired by Tiger Woods’s epic infidelity. It was spurred by the absurd anecdotes I’ve recently heard about faithlessness in new relationships, long-term relationships, marriages, etc. In this week alone, a friend of mine found out that his aunt had been cheating on his uncle for years, he then discovered that the uncle had also been habitually cheating for years. He also discovered that his brother brought a married woman home with him after realizing that his girlfriend of four months had been unfaithful. To top it all off the girl he had been seeing for a few months told him that she was cheating on her boyfriend with him.

It seems in the past year nearly everyone I know in a relationship has either cheated or been cheated on. Shouldn’t we be approaching a point in our maturity where we can control ourselves or at least be able recognize when we are unable to control our desires and be honest with both ourselves and our significant others. I know it might be difficult to tell your significant other that you feel something is missing in your relationship. But that conversation is going to be ten times easier than the conversation you will be forced to have when you get caught cheating.

I also don’t understand how someone who has been cheated on can be a part of the transgressions of infidelity being committed against someone else. One would think that someone who truly understands the pain that accompanies unfaithfulness would never want to aide in inflicting that pain on someone else. Still, I know people who have been cheated on that don’t think twice about hooking up with someone in a relationship.

There are so many theories, factors and opinions when it comes to infidelity that it makes my head spin (hence the non-sequitur nature of this post). One thing I do believe for certain is that cheating is a sign that you don’t care enough about the person to be with him or her, and that person deserves better than you.

1 comment:

  1. I think that, if I were to find out that a boyfriend had cheated on me, I would feel absolutely humiliated. Remaining faithful to a person is, for most people, a huge signal of their love for you. To find out that somebody just doesn't love you as much as you love them is not only extremely hurtful, but it makes you feel like a fool. "Was he just lying to me all along? Why couldn't I see this? How could I have been duped, I must be an idiot!" Your ego is completely crushed. I'm guessing that retaliatory cheating is probably a form of self-soothing and ego-stroking.

    That said, there are a lot of people whose cheating has nothing to do with their relationship. These people are what we call "immature." They have poor impulse control and just can't, when in the moment, seem to draw the lines between their choices and their partners' feelings. I have a friend who has been with his girlfriend, off and on, for years, yet he has no qualms about taking other women home with him and not telling the gf about his activities. Whenever she finds out, she gets mad and kicks him out of the house, then takes him back a week later. I suspect that women like this have some kind of psychological need for this kind of drama in their lives.