The Online Saga Part 4: The Land of 1001 First Dates

I’ve quickly come to realize the world of online dating is simply one in which first dates are handed out like urine mints in a classy restaurant. Just as in a bar setting, most individuals are willing to take an hour or two to get to know a stranger they consider at least somewhat attractive. Initially upon embarking on this online endeavor I considered that one (if not the only) benefit of online dating would be the ability to pre-screen my prospects and filter out the definite “no’s” before wasting time with the face-to-face step. And while this is valid on some level, I’m beginning to think the main difference between online dating and the bar scene seems to be more in volume rather than quality of match (also the sky is blue).

Essentially if you believe finding that elusive Mr. I’ve-Been-Waiting-For-You-All-My-Life is nothing more than a game of odds, you’ll never get more rolls of the dice than you do with eHarmOKMatch.com. I’ll admit, in the past, I’ve been skeptical of friends who had great difficulty moving beyond the first date in the online dating realm. I thought if you’ve already had many of those deal breakers and that initial conversation sorted out before the actual meeting, you’ve overcome half the battle.

I fear I may have been wrong (Le Gasp!). It turns out that people are not nearly as charming in real life as they are via the written word (Le Gasp Part Deux!). (This includes myself as well, given the fact that the one individual I still considered fairly promising after the first date never called, but that’s another story for another time.)

The first guy I met up with had induced a smile or two through our screening correspondence so I saw some potential promise in him. In person he had all the personality of his sister’s Labrador Retriever —the one who starred in 95 percent of his anecdotes for the evening. I’m pretty sure another gentleman I met was looking for a psychiatrist to explain why his family doesn’t want to spend any time with him. The conclusion I drew was that they got sick of him talking about nothing other than how awesome it was to ride bike all day every day. Especially since he did so in the voice of Foghorn Leghorn. I must also note that I use the term “gentleman” very loosely as we split the bill right down the middle despite the fact that he ordered two drinks and one espresso more than I had.

The first date I had this past weekend may turn into a second. I’m not entirely sure that I’m feeling it, but I am considering it if just to break the cycle. Also, he didn’t talk like a cartoon chicken and only had one story about a dog he didn’t own, so that’s promising.

I know I shouldn’t be surprised at my findings. Meeting someone based on a profile they’ve (in some cases) carefully put together for the sole purpose of attracting a match is obviously not going yield the most genuine results. Not to mention there is no way to convey that funny, butterfly chemistry that inexplicably happens when two people just click. Because I still believe in that dammit! Fun fact, I also believe in unicorns and the moon landing.