Unspoken Rules And The Girls Who Unwittingly Break Them

I feel like this little guy. (Sheepish-cut me some slack, it's late)

Many moons ago, I apparently broke an unspoken rule about not kissing a guy (who we’ll call Narcissus) when his friend (we’ll call him Dodger), who just so happens to be your friend, likes you but never told you he likes you no matter how much nothing the kiss meant to you. Narcissus, who apparently knew that the liking was going on is completely off the hook though even though he was more aware of the wrong that was happening than you were. Are you confused? Me too.

I had formed a friendship with Dodger (again he’s the offended party in this mess) after going on a terrible date Narcissus. (The one I ultimately ended up kissing during a night of birthday reverie and folly.)

Side bar: I hope Dodger doesn’t feel further mistreated as the subject of today’s blog. But honestly, he’s not talking to me anyway so I can’t imagine this is going to make the situation much worse.

And we’re back. The whole interaction was a mistake. I was feeling all lonely and unloved and a slew of other stupid things that could only be brought on by birthday shots, and I chose to react in a not-so-appropriate manner. I didn’t make any dangerous decisions or do anything terribly destructive, but the whole encounter ended up being a bit embarrassing. So yeah, it wasn’t my crowning moment, and maybe that is why Dodger was so disappointed in me in the first place.

Fast forward to a couple weeks later and I’m hanging out with the Dodger and Co. He reveals that it has come to his attention, not 30 minutes earlier, that I had done a lil smoochin’ with his friend, Narcissus. I ashamedly admitted to my indiscretion and made a flippant remark about the stupidity of the whole event. He didn’t let on that this bothered him in the least. But after that night our friendship went from biweekly coffee sessions and downtown outings of the same frequency to crickets. Absolute radio silence. I attempted on a number of occasions to set up coffee sessions, happy hours, dance offs, and more. I heard nothing back. He had joined the ranks of the disappearing many. But the difference this time was the complete and utter lack of romantic involvement.

Then, by chance, I happened to see Dodger while out for happy hour with my work chicas. He said “hello” and I got right into “why did you completely disappear?” because I’m smooth like that. He offered some lame, mumbling excuse about how he had been neglecting all of his friends lately because he was just feeling distant or some other diplomatic spin. I pretended to accept it and let him get back to his date.

Weeks later I met up with a few stragglers, including Narcissus, from the group of Dodger's core friends and asked for a straight answer about the Houdini act. They couldn’t believe my naiveté. Apparently this guy had liked me (according to the friends, I’ve obviously never been able to pin him down to confirm or deny these claims). And the fact that I had shown his cad of a friend some undeserved affection and given him none had completely changed his view of me.

Now I don’t blame dear Dodger entirely, as I said, it was not my proudest moment. But make a crack about my undiscerning lips and move on if that’s all this is about. If it is more than that, if he actually liked me, this whole silent treatment move is completely unfair. Naïve or not, I had no idea this guy liked me. He had attempted to set me up with numerous friends. We had countless conversations about girls he was dating and how he had some serious hope for a few of them. Hell, he even shared his less-than savory one-night-stand stories, and they were a lot less PG than mine. So what gives? Why do I come out the heartless trollop in this whole scenario? And is there anything I can do to fix it.

I’ve contemplated calling him out on the amorous claims of his friends, but wouldn’t even know where to begin. Would I send him a Facebook message? A Text? Call? He wouldn’t respond in any of these instances. And if his friends are right, the confrontation will only alienate him further. I considered sending a lengthy apology about how I was unaware of his I-don’t-wanna-be-just-friends thoughts. Explain that I never meant to hurt him with my bad decision. But even that wouldn’t gain much response I imagine. Plus, if his friends were wrong, if he never, ever imagined me as more than just the awkward sister-like girl who he’d tolerate on occasion, I’d look like a narcissistic moron. So I feel like I’ve been forced into a corner of no return. I have no choice accept the fact that our friendship has come to the end of it’s road and let it go.

It just seems rather unjust. Ever the people pleaser, I want to fix the situation somehow. Plus it certainly sucks that I lost one of the first new friends I made after my move to the cold, unfeeling city (ok maybe it’s just cold). We didn’t know each other for long, but I certainly enjoyed his company and miss the friendship we did have. In addition to being one of my first new-locale friends, it was one of the only solid male friendships I had formed since college. Still, it wouldn’t be the first friendship I lost (and that one was seven times longer and even dearer to me). So I guess there’s nothing more to do, nothing more than letting him be.

But if by chance you do read this, Dodger, I am very sorry if I hurt or disappointed you in some way. I certainly didn’t mean to and wish that I had never made the decision I made that fateful evening for a number of reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that I lost your friendship in the course of it all. Again, I do apologize and hope maybe you will forgive and forget some day. I will even grant you one free day of mercilessly mocking me for my moronic move. It will be fun! What d’ya say?