Things Boys Say

This is the look they usually give whilst
delivering their clever lines.

Over the years, a number of men/boys/manboys have attempted to entice me into the boudoir using a variety of tactics. This is because I am just so darn irresistible—wait that’s not it—it’s because I was born with two X chromosomes. Most of these pleas are fairly laughable, including bragging about their adult film star physicality (yeah that happened) and explaining how they always wanted to cross someone like me off their bucket list (Oh, are you a Make-A-Wish kid? Let’s do this!). But some are just plain hurtful, like the scare tactic.

I’ve been informed that if I don’t appease my man’s desires before my religious beliefs permit, I will get cheated on. Even when I didn’t think I was getting cheated on by past boyfriends, they were, most decidedly, hooking up with some other bint. Because they’re dudes. So they’re wired differently. Oh yes, that’s right, I forgot, because boys are “wired differently,” they get a free pass to act like lustful animals with absolutely no self control.

Guys are so classy aren’t they? Ok that’s not entirely fair. I’ve dated some wonderful guys who have sincerely respected my boundaries, but it’s no fun to be snarky about decent dudes. The individual who blessed me with this warning had been cheated on in nearly every one of his relationships. So it would seem his willingness to engage in the forbidden extra curricular activities didn’t exactly serve as the safeguard he believed it would. Plus he was cheated on by girls. So apparently they were wired like boys? Whatever. He’s an asshat. Obviously.

I understand that it is difficult. Believe me do I ever understand. And I know that it must be even more trying if the decision to wait is not yours entirely, but a decision you inherit. Regardless of how it happens, it is never forced upon the other person. They can choose to be in a relationship with me or they can walk. They’ve bolted before and I’ve understood. But, as I said, it has also happened where they’ve stayed and we’ve gone on to have healthy, fulfilling relationships. For years at a time. Imagine that.

I’ve often struggled with what my choice means for my relationship path. I have known from the very beginning that it would cut my prospects drastically. And the older I get, the truer that becomes. But I’ve always come back to the conclusion that the guy I’m meant to be with will actually care about me as a whole person more than getting an all-access pass to my pants, skirt, leggings, or other bottom-wear. I’d even like to believe that my commitment to this decision is something they learn to love and respect about me.