The Last Virgin Standing

At what point in our adult lives did it become assumed that sex was going to be a part of our relationships? When I dated in high school and early on in college, if a person within the relationship had sex prior to entering the relationship he or she was expected to reveal that at some point. Now it seems that the tables have turned.

Those who know me remotely well know that I have made a decision to not have sex until I get married. It’s not something I broadcast to strangers but it’s not exactly a secret either. Every guy I’ve ever dated up until this point has been aware of it long before we started dating. This is because I usually hang out with the guys I end up dating in non-romantic social situations before I begin dating them.

Now I’ve found myself in a situation where I’ve had to tell someone I started dating that I’m not going to sleep with him. We’ve known each other for a couple months and have hung out a few times. I didn’t know how or when to bring it up because, although it’s not something I’m hiding, it is a personal detail that I don’t blurt out right away. When I did tell him he was upset that I didn’t tell him sooner. Essentially he told me that if he had known sooner he wouldn’t have taken the time to get to know me and now he has to go through the process of getting over me.

To be honest I don’t feel bad about not revealing that part of me before I did. Most people don’t go around broadcasting all the things they do or have done in the past or hope to do in the future. However I do understand that it may be a deal breaker for some people. Not everyone can handle it. It’s unfortunate for me but I’ve come to accept it. I realize that I’ve limited myself by making the choice to not have sex, but as I’ve said before I refuse to settle and in the long run I will be a happier person because of it.

The hardest part of this for me is that I end up feeling like I am doing something wrong to the point that I am undatable. Realistically I know that isn’t the case. I know that it just means I’m not compatible with everyone. This aspect of who I am just seems to make my single life all the more challenging.