Strange Encounters of the Hot Mess Kind

I didn’t think I had it in me, but apparently I possess the ability to crumble into a steaming pile of spaz with merely a glimpse of a guy I dated for a few months so long as that glimpse also includes an impossibly skinny brunette. There was a time that I dreamt I had more dignity than that, but I was wrong. Because today a poorly timed siting at Rainbow Foods just completely ruined my shit.

He was one of many who disappeared without so much as a “nice knowing you” over the past year. (Side bar: my 26^th year isn’t nearly as pathetic as it sounds… post side bar: that’s a lie.) Nothing really separates him from the others who have come and gone. In fact, as a recovering cheater with a penchant for recreational pill popping, he was “action-packed with issues” and a less suitable match than some of the others. It was only the perfect storm of pitiful that snowballed into a terrifically tragic experience.

Given the fact that he lives in my apartment complex, I had always known it would only be a matter of time before we ran into each other. But I hoped that time would come when I was put together and gorgeous and could be all breezy and classy about it. I had gone grocery shopping a hundred times in the past year and each time I managed to look like a human being with working shower. Instead my moment came in the form of an emergency grocery run. After I had spent an entire day scrubbing floors, dusting, baking and painting in a dirty t-shirt and jeans. In short, I looked less than stellar, smelled like a foot and wasn’t in the most charming of moods.

In a fair, benevolent world, I would have looked like this.

Reality was much different.

So when I saw him mulling over the merits of Tropicana compared to Simply Orange, all I could do is offer up an idiotic smile and a dopey wave before I darted down the wrong aisle. Naturally the last item I needed was in the exact opposite direction I had headed so I my only real option was usher past him once again on my way to the dairy case. It was during this excruciating backtracking that I caught a glimpse of the cute brunette who was helping him make his serious vitamin C-related decisions. A perfect picture of domesticity on this holiday weekend. From the guy who couldn’t commit to plans more than an hour in advance because his life was just too up in the air one short year ago.

The worst part about it is, if I’m being honest, had I been seeing someone I wouldn’t have been at all derailed by this encounter. Even if Mr. Wonderful wasn’t there with me, the thought of having someone would have been enough to buffer the blow that someone I barely know from Adam was inexplicably able to deliver with only his presence paired with some random bird. Because all it really comes down to is winning.

It’s not about thinking I missed out on a relationship with this guy. It was simply about wanting to look better and be happier than someone who dismissed me without a second thought. My ego had been bruised and the only thing that would fix it is declaring victory in the most superficial of arenas. Alas, he won this round. But at least I learned a valuable lesson: never leave the house looking like a strung out monstrosity. Ever. 

Opposing Teams

Supposedly men and women both want the same thing – to find someone to complete their happily ever after. I don’t buy it.

Maybe I’ve become too jaded, but lately I feel like men and women are on opposite teams when it comes to relationships. I get the impression that women are fighting as hard as they can to catch a man while men are fighting as hard as they can to not get caught. As for me, I don’t want to chase a man who doesn’t want to be caught (I apologize for this ridiculously awful analogy).

Dating has become so exhausting because, not only do I have to do the chasing, but I have to decipher the games. And, more often than not, the guy who is being chased is not at all worth the time and energy it takes to pin him down. I know I’m not the only person going through this either.

I see girls plotting and planning in order to get a guy to fall for them and commit to a relationship. But why do this? Do we really think that we will end up in a happy relationship if we somehow manage to convince the guy that he should be in a relationship with us?

My strategy from now is going to entail focusing on myself and my happiness. It’s cliché and overused advice for a reason, because it’s solid. The hopeless romantic in me believes that somewhere out there, there is a guy who actually wants to have a lasting healthy relationship and he wants to have it with me. But I’m not going to go looking for him.

Don't Hate the Pawns, Hate the Player

Why is it that as women we so often view other women as enemies? This is especially true when we fall prey to the manipulative games men play when seducing multiple women at once. I have seen this game played so expertly that the guy will have the women he is sleeping with all together in one place and not only do they not realize that they are all being used by the same man, but they will instantly turn on each other.

If these women had poured their energy into putting the guy in his place they could have been empowered rather than victimized. Now I’m not suggesting that we go to this extreme to teach a lesson, but we need to realize that hating other women is not going to get us the relationship we deserve.

I feel like deep down we are all intelligent enough to recognize that most women are not a threat. The women I know are caring individuals who appreciate and want to lift up other women, not tear them down. Why then, when it comes to men, are we so quick to attack each other? Is a man who pits us against one another, either purposefully or unwittingly, really worth the trouble?

I’m sure there are some women out there who have no qualms about attempting to steal a man away from his significant other, but I’m not convinced that these women are in the majority. In my opinion, however, even those women should not pose a threat if the man you are with is truly worth your time.