Unemployed and…Undesirable?

To be completely honest, I must admit that prior to being laid off, unemployment was an mark in the con column of my dating pro con lists. Even if it wasn’t an instant deal breaker, it didn’t bode well for the potential romantic interest. If someone didn’t have a big boy job or any job for that matter (or was at least in school working toward a degree that would garner him this grown up position), he obviously lacked the drive and ambition I find attractive. Now that I find myself on the other side of this unfortunate situation, I see it a little bit differently—and am slightly ashamed of my former stance.

In my quest to find a new position, I’ve found that most unemployed individuals lack work through no fault of their own—especially in today’s economy (sorry, I had to take my swing at that dead horse). Although some out-of-work individuals are simply slackers, as a general rule, unemployment shouldn’t really be indicative of their character if they actually possess the skills and the desire to be employed.

Even though my perspective has changed, I know there are plenty of other women who closely correlate level of employment with level of eligibility, so dating for the unemployed man can be a struggle. 

Despite the fact that my dating life was not exactly thriving prior to the layoff, I’ve wondered how being unemployed will affect the few possibilities I do have. Am I less desirable because I lack a job?

As is the case with most things romantic, I imagine a double standard prevails here—at least I hope so for my sake. Let’s be honest, no matter how hard we fight it, many women look at men as potential bread winners for future nuclear families. It seems to be ingrained in our psyche and though some appear to have risen above it I’ve talked to many who embrace it. I suppose ultimately it’s a matter of personal opinion rather than some political statement on their part. I, myself, would love to stay at home with any offspring my future holds, but have always relished my ability to provide for myself in the mean time. Still, if it came down to two girls equal in most respects, but one has a job and one is desperately seeking work, the gainfully employed individual might be slightly more appealing.

I decided that my underemployment will be exactly what I make of it in many regards including romantically. If I decide to let it damage my ego and define who I am as a person, then any potential romantic interests will have no choice but to see me as only an unemployed screw up. However, if I take the opportunity to become a more interesting person, pursue a new direction and search for a job I will ultimately love, I will be perceived as a girl who embraces challenges and makes the most of regrettable situations—at least that’s how the right guy will perceive it, I hope.

When it all Falls Apart

I've talked about my moments of weakness in the past. Those times when my world comes down and I want nothing more than to curl up in the arms of someone who loves me. Someone in whom I can find security. That longing hit me hard when I lost my job last week. I had been so focused on being independent and taking care of myself that I didn’t realize how quickly it could unravel. One of the first things that crossed my mind, I’m ashamed to say, was wishing I was married.

Having a spouse would make this entire experience less terrifying. At least I would have someone to come home to. I could depend on his income while I searched for a new position. I would have his constant support as I approached each new interview. I admit this perspective makes it seem like I view marriage as a twisted career fallback plan, but you’d be surprised what desperate things go through your head when everything you define your independence by disappears. I admittedly put too much of myself into my career in terms of letting it define who I am as a successful individual and the unpleasant news rattled my ego and identity to the core.

So with a heavy heart, I drug my unemployed, single soul to the one place where I knew I would feel completely secure. I pulled into my parents’ driveway and entered into a world of escape that would bolster my spirits and repair my broken psyche. It only took one day in this haven to I realize that, despite my unmarried state, I am far from single and alone. I have been blessed with a family who offers all the support and security I need. I began to understand once again that sympathetic parents and caring siblings were all I could really need.

My family still sees me as a talented and capable individual. They made me realize that just because I ended up in an unfortunate circumstance does not mean I am incapable of success. Their willingness to support me on every level put my mind at ease and prepared me for the next steps I would have to take to get back on my feet and conquer the new challenges I’m bound to face in the coming months.

As my head cleared and rationale returned I knew that a wedding ring doesn’t guarantee security or support. I am in a much better position than the married women who come home to distant and selfish husbands. Though I am jobless I can focus all of my attention on doing what it takes to recover and not have to worry about what my current state of unemployment might do to compound preexisting marital difficulties.

This is not to say that as I continue on this new, uncertain leg of my journey I won’t envy individuals who made it through similar periods of their lives with the support and love of a caring spouse, but I absolutely know I will be ok and likely even better when it all comes back together again.