I Resolve to Find Me a Man in 2012?

Resolution 2012: Complete.

Ok I’m back from my unintentional holiday hiatus. I’m sure I was missed terribly. And in keeping with the obligatory themed posts this one is going to be about resolutions, kids. Well part of it’s due to the New Year’s resolution shtick and part of it’s because a friend of mine made some quip the other day about how I wanted a man more than the average sow (that’s a female bear). I took great offense to this statement despite the fact that he didn’t believe he was being offensive. To me he was saying, “you are desperate and in need of a boyfriend because you’re obviously no good without one.” To him he was saying, well, I’m still not clear on what he thinks he was saying.

Regardless, a quick check of Facebook this morning proved I’m in no way ahead of the curve in the pining department. There was no shortage of girls mourning the fact that they had closed out 2011 without a man, resolving to change that in 2012. My initial reaction was passing judgment on their pitiful goal. Then I scolded myself for being a stupid wench about it. Who am I to assail what is important to someone else? Especially something that’s obviously important to me on some level. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t have an entire blog devoted to spewing about the very topic. So the many, many cats wearing hand-knitted sweaters are out of the bag on that one. I guess I just have trouble reconciling the desire to be paired off someday with something I actively have control over.

It’s probably that absurd little romantic in me who recklessly clings to the belief in twu wuv that cannot be planned or brought about by my strategic efforts. It seems fruitless to vow to change something about your life that you seemingly have no control over. The clichéd resolutions can all be achieved with a little discipline on behalf of the resolvee. Want to lose weight? Start working out and eat a meal that doesn’t come out of a box once in awhile. Quit smoking? Stop buying cigarettes. Become a pop star? Throw on a Beanie Baby bra, soul-crushing footwear and a blue wig. Boom. Pop star. See? Easy and fully strategic.

Resolving to meet the man of my dreams in 2012 just makes the whole thing seem forced and unnatural. And I’m not even sure I’m ready for Prince Charming. I’ve got crap I wanna do yet. But I’m pretty sure there is always going to be crap I wanna do. That’s why it’s lovely to think that he will actually just show up – as the atrocious little saying goes – when I’m least expecting it. Still, this chica has a point in number one. It’s perfectly acceptable and admirable even to have clear intentions for yourself and those intentions should be backed up by action in some way. So while you can’t force a relationship, you can do more to open yourself up to meeting your ball and chain.

I used to think this meant putting myself out there at the usual scene. Making the first move. But that’s just not me. I’m the girl dammit. And even though it’s good to step outside your comfort zone to meet your goals, doing something that makes you feel like a fish with a bicycle or a hipster with a car and a job isn’t going to do you or the potential squeezemuffin any favors. Plus, as evidenced this weekend, if I actively go for it, the whole thing will inevitably crash and burn when his boyfriend walks in. But that’s a tale for when you’re a little older.

I’ve since realized carrying out some of my other resolutions may just put me on the path to lurve. I may meet someone at my dance class (yes, I know, this will likely just lead to another “oh you have a boyfriend?” situation). Or someone may realize how cool I am while I’m writing my novel at a coffee shop. Or perhaps I will fall in love with some charming European during the trip I swore I was going to take. Just putting yourself in the position to meet new people will increase the possibility that one of those new people will be your very own Him. Plus those other resolutions to get fit and shower more than once a week will just make you all the more appealing when you do meet cute.

So the moral of the story is: your resolution can be whatever you want. No judgment from me. I’m sure you’re relieved. 

I Won't Be That Girl, But I Will Be That Girl, and That Girl, and That Girl...

It’s that special time of year when those who went unsmooched on New Year’s Eve must evaluate where they went wrong (or right) in the previous year in the romance department. I suppose this includes me, which means it's time for the obligatory resolution post. There are a number of things I should probably do to better myself and just maybe get past that third-date wall I so often hit, but I think perhaps I should start with one.

I’ve come to realize that I possess one of the most loathsome traits in the dating universe, chameleon qualities. If I become all goo goo over a guy I tend to unwittingly tweak conversations and behaviors to reflect a girl I believe he might like. Though I’m not as bad as this, because I don’t fake interest or lie, but I will amplify certain aspects of my personality that may be more attractive to him than others. I understand that, to some degree, this is almost expected in dating situations, but I still feel like a fraud when I do it.

Part of the issue is my teasingly diverse range of interests are on the level of schizophrenia. I love me some hip-hop and anti-folk. Can’t get enough of Dickens and Palahniuk. Enjoy yoga and a good run. Joseph Gorden Levitt and Jason Statham are both my ideal men. I seldom follow through with anything because of the ADD-nature of my passion. Half the time I don’t even know what I’m most intrigued by from moment to moment, which makes it easy to strongly embrace a particular interest if I may share it with a charming boy.

The breadth versus depth essence of my hobbies ends up making me look like a fraud. I’m basically a poser in a number realms and an expert in none. I impress the artsy boy by showing him my crappy paintings, knowing out of politeness he will pretend not to notice the hotel art quality of each piece. I connect with the amateur emcee through my limited knowledge of indie hip-hop, hoping he won’t question why I’ve only ever heard three songs by The Dialated Peoples. In each situation I downplay interests that I think will bore Mr. McDreamboat and talk up skills and expertise I know would pique his interest.

The only thing that makes this remotely defensible is that I never feign interest in anything I don’t care about, but it still feels unnatural to neglect various facets of my multiple personalities simply because I’m trying to inspire swoony butterflies in a passionate cutie.

So what do I do? Pick three things to love and become a savant in each area? That doesn’t seem like a viable option given the fact that I completely lack the discipline to commit to one hobby without being distracted by another a week later. Also, only reading books, listening to music, wearing clothes and watching movies that fall into the category of the personality I choose to stick with is even more insane than thinking 75 areas of interest are the best thing evah.

No, narrowing my broad interests would be the opposite of the appropriate (re)solution. I’ve decided to embrace each area regardless of the dating situation I’m in. If I have a date with a sweet lil hipster, I refuse to dress like a hobo just because I love M.I.A. I will not pretend I’m deeply interested in the current state of politics than I actually am when I interact with a hot human rights attorney despite my political science minor. I will embrace my manic interests for what they are and not let the attention of a random Hottie McHotterson define my passion of the month.